So, you’re dating someone with a secure attachment style, lucky you! They are the real relationship MVPs, bringing balance, emotional availability, and trust. With them, there’s no guessing, just a vibe of comfort and stability. But even though it may feel like smooth sailing, there are still a few things you should know.
When you’re dating someone with a secure attachment style, you’re in for a smoother ride. They’re usually more satisfied in their relationships and don’t get caught up in “fantasy bonds,” those make-believe connections that feel safe but aren’t real. They see themselves as friendly, likable, and tend to think the best of their partners, believing them to be reliable and trustworthy. It’s a refreshing level of calm and confidence that allows for deeper connections.
Securely attached people know how to balance intimacy and independence. They’re comfortable leaning on their partner and being leaned on in return. This creates a stable relationship that thrives on trust, commitment, and a sense of mutual support. There’s no fear of losing themselves in the relationship because they’re just as comfortable with closeness as they are with being alone.
If something’s bothering them, they won’t hesitate to reach out for support, and they’re equally present when their partner needs a shoulder. It’s no surprise they tend to feel more frequent positive emotions and fewer of the negative ones. Even when faced with difficult emotions, they manage to work through them in healthier ways and can shift a bad mood into a better one more easily than others.
Dating someone with this attachment style means you’ll want to be honest, open, and show them the same level of support they offer you. Give them the space they need to be independent, but don’t skimp on the affection. They’re all about balance. You’ll also want to be reliable and consistent. Securely attached people tend to trust easily, but that trust is built on their positive past experiences, so it helps to show you’re dependable.
Lastly, emotional availability is key. When they need to talk about something serious or just want a little reassurance, be there for them. They’re comfortable navigating emotional conversations, asking for help, and working through challenges together. They’re not afraid to lean in, and they expect their partners to do the same.
It’s worth noting that while you can’t force someone to have a secure attachment style, it is possible for people’s attachment styles to shift over time, especially through therapy or being in a supportive relationship. So if your partner isn’t quite there yet, it’s something that can change with time and the right environment.
Sources
- How Your Attachment Style Impacts Your Relationship by LisaFirestone Ph.D. (2013)
- Influence of attachment styles on romantic relationships by Jeffry A Sampson in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (1990)
- Secure attachment: implications for hope, trust, burnout, and performance by Bret L. Simmons, Janaki Gooty, Debra L. Nelson, and Laura M. Little in the Journal of Organizational Behavior (2009)
